CHARITY ROW:
Fabulous or horrible?
Horribly fabulous or fabulously horrible?
At Ed’s House-Of-Ugly we don’t care about these fine distinctions because in our eyes it’s wonderful.
This English cottage garden picture is stitched using yarn and is roughly 22 inches tall by 30 inches wide. Someone spent a lot of time on it and they even had it professionally framed.
I especially like the fancy knot work required to make the flowers.
This slideshow requires JavaScript.
Model of Charles Linbergh’s personal airplane. It is a Ryan monocoupe that still exists, but for many years it was a static exhibit hung from the ceiling at the St.Louis airport. Luckily for aviation history buffs is was temporarily relocated just before the big tornado struck the airport.
This once was a flying model, one of the sort that’s guided by two long wires or strings and flies in a counter clockwise circle.
The craft is in OK condition but it’s probably best as a decorator piece. I suppose it could be made flight worthy again but it’d need a new propeller and some glue.
Overall it is 24 inches long and the wingspan is just over 35 inches.
Regardless of the controversy surrounding Lindbergh’s personal beliefs at least his co-pilot is a reputable character this time.
This slideshow requires JavaScript.
Here at the House-Of-Ugly we have standards. Admittedly they’re kind of loose standards since we’re not terribly fond of rules. The practical result is someplace there’s a point where ugly is too ugly, where something isn’t cool even if aesthetically questionable.
Welcome to the border.
I can’t decide which side of that line between ugly/cool and ugly/ugly this lies on. It’s best if you do.
This lamp features an old handbag with some lovely accoutrements attached. It still works OK and stands about 19 inches tall.
My understanding is that this was a white elephant gift at a long ago holiday party. It’s unclear to me how it all went down but apparently there was some sort of big conflict over this lamp that nearly resulted in a fist fight. The ‘proud’ owner of the lamp at the end of the night hasn’t been to a white elephant exchange since and I think that was some 20 years ago.
Now’s your chance to light a dark corner, own a spectacular piece of vernacular assemblage art and/or sew discord amongst your peers.
This slideshow requires JavaScript.
It looks like they’re having fun doesn’t it? Or at least they’re starring in an off-Broadway musical . . . and nothings quite as off-Broadway as the famous Hofbrauhaus brewery in Munich, Germany. Unfortunately there are now Hofbrauhaus locations world wide (including such traditional German beer loving locations as Las Vegas) so we’re not sure of the actual origin of this specimen.
Regardless the folk depicted on this stein seem to be having a grand old time and I’m sure they’re all doing something they’ll regret (either individually or collectively) in the morning.
In the meantime though they are enjoying their beer, like you could in this lovely 1/2 liter (1.056 pint) beer stein. In keeping with the great German beer stein tradition ours has a pewter lid, to keep out stray insects and errant casino chips.
This slideshow requires JavaScript.
One thing that’s especially interesting about this stein is the figure on the lid. It shows a dancing, cavorting shrouded figure named Eugene Meyer. One has to suspect that this isn’t the same Eugene Meyer that once published the Washington Post and served as the Chairman of the Federal Reserve during the especially bleak years from 1930 to 1933 (and later was the first president of the World Bank), but if the double weight of banking and the newspaper industry doesn’t drive one to drink I’m not sure what would.
Well, I actually have a good guess what would: The Kennedy Assassination/World Dominating Secret Group Uber-Conspiracy. There’s some folks who seem to think that there was a huge conspiracy (demonstrably bunk) involving booze and drugs between a Greek shipping magnate named Onassis, a gangster named Lansky, one Joseph Kennedy, Eugene Meyer, the mafia and possibly Prescott Bush and his descendents.
But this is just the beginning. The proposed conspiracy is so broad that even the Catholic Church is in thrall to this vast covert conspiracy (apparently it’d ruin shareholder value if it ever came out that Jesus was actually an Arab), and a secret cabal runs the world (and manages to keep their presence secret). Heck, they even killed Estes Kefauver.
Anyway I know it’s not true since my uncle, the spook, con man, war hero (and war criminal), the guy with the secret arsenal in New Jersey and the uncanny timing of being in foreign countries when governments fell was funneling money from the government to the mafia when Kennedy was killed. My understanding is that the story is not so tidy as the conspiracy theorists would have you think.
Hey there barkeeper I think another beer would be in order. . .
What? No more you say?
Yes, a good nap might be just the thing…
The noble sporting dog (a retriever or possibly a hound) graces the foot of this stirrup cup. Stirrup cups were traditionally used to get one last drink in as one departed on a hunt, when one’s feet were in the stirrups and the dogs had been loosed. It’s the original version of “one for the road” but also includes firearms.
It is 5 1/2 inches tall, silver plate and in excellent condition. As the picture shows it could use a bit of polish.
This slideshow requires JavaScript.
The profile of this dog’s head makes me think of the sergeants during my brief ROTC stint. They all rocked flattop hair cuts and carried their heads in about the same fashion.
They were good guys. After the incident when I surprised the Captain of Air Defense Artillery during lunch and he snorted soup out of his nose (noodles and all), they were the only members of the command structure I still respected. Sure, they may have been the dogs of war, but they weren’t going to choke on minestrone soup immediately upon signing my court-martial for insubordination. They were also courteous enough to hold the door for me on my way to civilian life.
On the windswept grasslands of the Orkney Islands the restive spirit of James Leonard still wanders his family’s ancient farmstead. He was unjustly evicted from his home and then banished from the land by his landlord, the descendent of the original thief who stole his land through feudalism.
His crime was to stand tall and proud and testify against the practices of forcing people to the very worst lands in the district, while raising rents to unbearable levels, all so that the best lands could be used for grazing sheep and hunting fowl.
This slideshow requires JavaScript.
When I was doing archaeological field work there were two broad categories of things which we didn’t know what to call. Natural objects fell into the category of love stones* and human modified ones were typically called ceremonial objects.
Since I don’t know what this is, but since it has obviously made by a person let’s call it a ceremonial object. It is a section of bone (probably bovine) that is just under 6 inches tall and bears five lizard-like designs upon it. One end has been close with some sort of compound and the other is open.
As we’ve seen before in the Yoruba chairs we had some time ago: “the lizard is can be interpreted as a symbol of power and status and represents the Monitor Lizard (Awonrivon or Awonriwon). Part of the allure of the Monitor Lizard is that it is at home both on land and in water, it’s very nature is transcendent. As a result it is used, spiritually and medicinally, to protect against evil influences and manipulation.”
Given the importance and long use of the lizard symbology in Africa I presume that’s where this is from too.
I fully accept that this may have been made for the tourist trade and is not actually a ceremonial object, except in the sense of making tourists part with their spending money.
This slideshow requires JavaScript.
*Love stones are oddly shaped stones produced by natural activity. Crew bosses usually used the term with newer crew members. The typical dialogue went like this,
New Crew Person: “What’s this funny looking pebble?
Crew Boss (Using their best you just found something really really cool voice): ”Why it’s a Love Stone!”
“What’s a Love Stone?”
“It’s just another F——g rock, now get back to work.”
Or rather who since it’s a on owl made out of little shells, and carefully cut bits of shell, and two googlie eyes; all glued to a piece of Styrofoam. Isn’t that clever?
With this the documented Estate Store collection of birds made out of molluscs officially doubles. Once upon a time we had the shell chicken, now this. This represents a major evolutionary step however, the shell chicken was just a bunch of little shells glued together but this has a cape made of shells that have been specifically cut for the job. That must have drove production costs way up. . .
Regardless, if you’re a collector of birds made of marine items, oddities, owls, grotesqueness, or are looking out for a good April Fool’s gag gift then you might want to give us a call.
This slideshow requires JavaScript.
In real life Big Bird is an “eight-foot two-inch (249 cm) tall bright primrose-yellow bird.”
Really, he is.
He’s known for being both easily confused and for being surprisingly talented. Among his many talents are skating, dancing drawing and riding a unicycle. This is a little incongruous since he is described as a six year old in the TV show’s writer’s guide. Luckily slight inconsistencies like this haven’t undermined his career.
He’s also know for saying wise phrases as “I guess it’s better to be who you are. Turns out people like you best that way, anyway” which seems equivocal and subject to revision at a later date. Maybe he’ll decide that people will like him more if he’s a cookie jar? Obviously, if this really were Big Bird’s favorite cookie jar it would be more than just a touch narcissistic.
What Big Bird is here, for us, now is a cookie jar.
He’s 12 1/2 inches tall. Although he looks like he is from about the same era as the E.T. lamp we just had the text along the edge of the base shows the design was copyrighted by the Muppets in 1971.
This slideshow requires JavaScript.
So I was showing off this awesome toothpick pecking bird and she said “I’m so glad you don’t bring more of the stuff you find home.”
Foiled again.
This plastic bird is about 4 1/2 inches tall. When you press down on the bird’s head a little drawer slides out and it picks up a toothpick in its beak.
Retro cool!
This slideshow requires JavaScript.
He grew up to be a fierce latch hook dragon rug. It was a long way from when he was just a scrawny little scaly latch key reptile.
It shows you never can tell, that awkward kid you knew in elementary school might now be the CEO of a Fortune 500 company, or a nightmarish terror straight out of a fairy tale.
The rug is about 67 inches wide and 35 inches tall. As you can see in the picture above the edges were never bound so it looks unfinished. The rug could also use some backing and it is slightly soiled (maybe a real good vacuuming would do the trick?).
Rupert knew he was special, not just because his mother told his so, but because the light of the world emanated from his hind-end.
Approximately 20 inches tall by 14 inches wide and features a plastic giraffe 3/4 mounted on a brushed copper plate with savannah scene. The photo doesn’t do it justice as it’s not quite as red as the picture above, yet not as pale as the picture below and the strange effect of the light is best viewed in person.
The Watercloset Gallery will be open from 10 am to 4 pm.
I know it feel like no one knows how it is, but we’ve been there Wally, we have. The first step though is to recognize you have a problem . . .
Eight inches in diameter, by Wallyware.
Old King Coal was a merry old soul
And a merry old soul was he;
He called for his pipe, and he called for his bowl
And he called for his miners three.
But Omni Exploration
Breathed hell fire and damnation;
And drilled a well straight to hell;
With a steely goad struck the mother lode,
Drilling for dollars in the land of the free.
Every driller he had a drill,
And a very fine drill had he;
Oh there’s none cooked so well, burnt in hell
As Old King Coal and Omni’s miners three.
Set of six tumblers featuring the corporate logo and landscape vision of Omni Exploration. The perfect gift for the petro-capitalist in your life, your rich uncle or a gag gift for your favorite tree hugger.
They’re still in the original shipping box from November 1977 and include a Seasons Greetings card indicating that these were probably stockholder gifts.
Not surprisingly they appear unused.
This slideshow requires JavaScript.
“Horace you really shouldn’t try to kill the guy at the Community Warehouse.”
“Bah Helena, one runs some risks in dealing with vintage stuff, he knows this.”
“But Horace you’re not even giving him a chance.”
“Whatever.”
“I shall sprinkle plaster roses on his grave.”
Thank you Mr. Circuit Breaker for doing your job and saving me from a serious zapping. As you may have guessed one of these lamps had a serious short-circuit that caused the circuit breaker to trip which in turn has resulted in some rewiring.
This is why I usually test things by plugging the into outlets with multiple breakers in the circuit. Thankfully I only average one minor zapping every two years (except for the incredible smoldering slot machine, which is a story for another time).
This plaster figurative lamp set was made (or copy righted) in June 1952 by Chesterlamp of Los Angeles, California. They stand about 36 inches tall with the shade and are pretty heavy (nearly 10 pounds each). Since they weigh so much and are plaster they could be shipped but it’s going to cost a fair amount.
If one wants them, these lamps even come with age appropriate funky fringed shades that only slightly smell of cigarette smoke.
This slideshow requires JavaScript.
*Long before the Electric Light Orchestra came along there was the electric light near-death experience with their big hit Mr. Blue Lips. . .
E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial was the smash movie hit of 1982 and retained the title of all-time biggest grossing box office film for the next 11 years.
The voice of E.T. was largely done by Pat Welsh who also appeared in Waterloo Bridge (1940) (starring Robert Taylor and Vivien Leigh in “Her greatest role since Gone With The Wind“) and as the voice of Boushh in the Return of the Jedi installment of Star Wars.
I’m not sure how or why she got the 1940 role, but her later two roles were intrinsically tied to the fact that she was a chain smoker who consumed an average of two packs a day. She had a very raspy voice that was well suited to alien characters.
Go figure, smoking is bad but intergalactic bounty hunters and alien botanists are all into it…
How does that fit with this lamp? Well, it’s not just an E.T. lamp since the lower part is also an ashtray.
Since times have changed a bit since the early 1980′s it might be a good spot to put change (providing that E.T. can still find a pay phone) or batteries for a hearing aid (so E.T. can hear on the phone) or whatever other knickknacks you might have.
Not including the bulb this E.T. is about 14 inches tall. For a 1980′s slip cast do-it-yourself ceramic lamp it is in great condition.
The ashtray appears unused.
This slideshow requires JavaScript.
Our good friend Cannibal Pig was redeemed (regardless of his past) via a federal witness protection program, not withstanding his possibly carcinogenic nature.
But yet he’s (potentially) so tasty.
He’s 15 1/4 inches tall and as a sign of his reformed nature he’s only armed with a spoon. This is fine IF you believe that a cannibal pig can be reformed . . .
I’m not sure I’d trust him!
Admittedly this isn’t in the same class as Johnny Rotten’s words at the Winterland Ballroom, but I sure feel fooled.
I thought that this was some sort of print block or ornamental swag or something but really, it’s a block of tea. Which is kind of cool and something I’d never thought of before.
Purportedly it is a brick of Hunan mǐ zhūan chá (roughly translated as Brick Tea). It is 7 1/2 inches wide, 9 1/2 inches tall and about 1 inch thick.
As you can see in the pictures it was pressed in a mold that left lettering and decorative embossed marks. Given that we don’t know how this was stored and that it came covered in a fine layer of dust we make no assumption that this is safe for human consumption.
It is a nice little decorative piece that doubles as a conversation starter. Who knows, maybe it’ll be good to have on a shelf for when the end of the world comes and everyone else runs out of caffeine.
This slideshow requires JavaScript.
Set of three Oregon Centennial Plates.
These ever popular plates were produced in commemoration of the 100 year anniversary of Oregon’s statehood in 1959. They were made by Johnson Brothers (England) for sale by Meier & Frank.
As I recall they came in something like six colors including brown, yellow, green and the three we have here (Blue, multicolored and red).
All three of ours are in excellent condition and are 10 3/4 inches in diameter.
This slideshow requires JavaScript.
This vintage two drawer cigar box originally contained cigars made by the J.T. Swann & Co of Tampa Florida. They were “manufactured to retail at more than Five Cents each and not more than Eight cents each and are so tax paid.”
Which I take to mean it is fairly old. It’s hard to say exactly, but a five to eight cent cigar seems like a good price for one in the late 1940′s.
Swann cigars were made by a company named after James T. Swann. Swann was a realtor, investor and general bigwig who happened to own a cigar factory and citrus groves. He died in 1953 and was succeeded by his son James Jr. who died in 1955. Much of their business was conducted via mail order, leading to some strenuous complaining when the postal service increased rates.
The box is 9 1/4 inches wide, 5 1/2 inches tall and 6 1/4 inches deep. It is in excellent condition and has classic box or finger joints on the back two corners. It is stamped on the bottom with the maker’s mark, the seal of the City of Tampa Florida and pertinent tax info.
This slideshow requires JavaScript.
It took quite a few drafts for Laura Ingalls Wilder to get the Little House series figured out.
This was one of the results of an early draft.
Memories of the Little House “Out Back” is a set of twelve photos of out houses in a mailing envelope (just one cent to send).
Each picture is about 2 1/2 inches by 3 3/4 inches and is annotated with a cute saying, reminiscent phrase or droll quip.
This slideshow requires JavaScript.
Êtes-vous un francophile?
Voila!
Three metal fleur-de-lis lamps that have been strung together on a chain. Each one is about 9 1/2 inches wide by 11 inches tall. The chains are of sufficient length to allow a maximum of 24 inches between the symbols (but without any sag in the chain).
They work fine and have small, nightlight sized bulbs controlled by an in-line switch, $35.
This slideshow requires JavaScript.
Nothing freshens up a boring cup of coffee in the morning like dog’s milk! Especially when it is from a Scottish Terrier*.
This little clear glass creamer is 5 3/4 inches long, 3 1/4 inches tall and 2 inches wide and is in excellent condition.
These were made by L. E. Smith Glass Company and were a promotional premium for Grape Nuts Flakes cereal circa 1935 (free with the purchase of two 19 cent packages!).
This slideshow requires JavaScript.
*Or so I’ve been told be several reputable Scotsmen. They also said that West Highland White Terrier was a suitable substitute, if a bit thin. Mind you these are the folks that think stuffing an animal inside its own stomach with some onion, oatmeal, suet and spices is a good idea.
An interesting little table top tree which is made out of ceramic and was decorated by Margie. It is 12 1/2 inches tall and lit from the inside by a single night-light bulb. The light is transmitted through little holes with plastic bulb shaped pieces. It is in good shape except for one chipped branch (see picture below).
This tree is carbon neutral (mostly) and you don’t have to pick up errant needles for the next six months.
Even the Grinch would be proud of you. Then he’d steal it just because.
This slideshow requires JavaScript.
Rudolph was designed in 1939 by Robert L. May so that Montgomery Ward could sell coloring books with a greater profit margin. He was a great success.
This bake set capitalized on this success after the Second World War. We have the complete eight piece set consisting of two 9-inch cake pans and six 4 1/2 inch diameter cake or gelatin molds. All of the pans are in good condition, but the box has seen better days.
The set was made for Bake King the ‘King of Bakeware’, by Chicago Metallic Mfg. Co.
This slideshow requires JavaScript.
