CHARITY ROW:
Fabulous or horrible?
Horribly fabulous or fabulously horrible?
At Ed’s House-Of-Ugly we don’t care about these fine distinctions because in our eyes it’s wonderful.
This English cottage garden picture is stitched using yarn and is roughly 22 inches tall by 30 inches wide. Someone spent a lot of time on it and they even had it professionally framed.
I especially like the fancy knot work required to make the flowers.
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On the windswept grasslands of the Orkney Islands the restive spirit of James Leonard still wanders his family’s ancient farmstead. He was unjustly evicted from his home and then banished from the land by his landlord, the descendent of the original thief who stole his land through feudalism.
His crime was to stand tall and proud and testify against the practices of forcing people to the very worst lands in the district, while raising rents to unbearable levels, all so that the best lands could be used for grazing sheep and hunting fowl.
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The naming of this lamp is completely arbitrary and entirely unnecessary. I named it after one of our wonderful volunteers who I thought would be a natural fit for this, especially since she was wearing a shirt in very nearly the same color AND since her eyeglasses frames also matched.
But no.
Instead she thought this should either be nominated to join the elite finds at Ed’s House-Of-Ugly or might be best relocated and installed at a nearby brothel.
Ya’ never can tell can you. . .
The lamp is 30 inches tall to the tip of the finial and the globe is about 10 inches in diameter. Impressed into the glass are stylized rose shapes. As you can see in the pictures there is a small light in the lower section as well as the upper light.
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The payoff for doing my job and working as part of this blog is that I get to learn new things and feed my research addiction*. For instance, until last Tuesday I didn’t know that there was such a thing as a Stilton scoop or server. That was the day that one of my whip-smart colleagues figured out that’s what these are.
I never thought of having a specialized tool just for a particular cheese. My kitchen seems so inadequate now that I know I don’t own even a single Stilton scoop, and I quail in horror at the missing Cheddar pincer, the lack of a Camembert épée and most regrettably the vacant space upon the counter where a Roquefort chisel should be.
In a city full of foodies (and wanna-be foodies) I imagine you must be at least somewhat sympathetic to this glaring inadequacy. And now, with this public confession, my credibility is shot.
However, there is still time to save your reputation (or that of one of a close friend) with this lovely set of six Scottish silver-plate Stilton scoops.
They’re each 7 1/2 inches long and come in a presentation style box. They were made and sold by Wilson & Sharp Ltd, Goldsmiths Silver Smiths & Watchmakers, 139 Princess Street Edinburgh and Dundee.
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*For example I learned that in the flatware family tree cheese scoops are closely related to marrow scoops and that Wilson & Sharp was a partnership between Robert Wilson and Andrew Sharp which was established in 1880′s. The firm made a wide variety of items including condiment sets, menu holders, hollow-ware, flatware, candle sticks and watches. Sometime in the 1970′s they were absorbed into the English firm Mappin & Webb. This then is a terminus ante quem for when these were originally purchased.
Rupert knew he was special, not just because his mother told his so, but because the light of the world emanated from his hind-end.
Approximately 20 inches tall by 14 inches wide and features a plastic giraffe 3/4 mounted on a brushed copper plate with savannah scene. The photo doesn’t do it justice as it’s not quite as red as the picture above, yet not as pale as the picture below and the strange effect of the light is best viewed in person.
The Watercloset Gallery will be open from 10 am to 4 pm.
Valentines Day is coming and what better way to say to that not quite special someone “You’re so something but it’s not special” than to get them this thing?
This vaguely heart-shaped dish is made of glass pieces and held together with large amounts of lead. The coded message is that you’re subtly saying “I don’t give a rat’s derriere about your central nervous system” at the same time.
Perfect!
It is about 7 inches by 6 inches and weighs nearly 1 1/2 pounds.
Smurf spoons make everything better.
When you’re sick soup tastes better; when healthy a smurf spoon will brighten up your morning kibble and they’ll even add that fine note of distinction to a cup of boardroom coffee.
He’s not wearing pants. . . .wait, that’s not right.
Let’s try it again.
He’s not wearing pants, but who’s going to counsel a bear with fashion advice?
That’s the nice thing about being a bear. No one is going to tell you that denim is passé, or that you shouldn’t spend a soggy winter day sleeping in.
Really though this is about the piano.
We don’t take pianos. They’re not really that useful for our clients and we know nothing about them. This one snuck in when the gatekeeper was asleep, so here it is and here we are looking to find it a new home.
It’s an Edward B. Healy labeled upright piano that was actually made by Gulbransen Pianos. We’ve been told that it was recently tuned and the musically inclined punk rockers who work in the warehouse think it is still pretty much in tune, but since it’s not a guitar they’re not totally sure.
I’ve got a rough idea of what I think an older piano that’s in good condition is worth but I’d like to hear some offers to see if it is in the ball park. Please email, call or stop in with offers and I’ll let you know if it is a winner.
Delivery is not available at this time.
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Admittedly this isn’t in the same class as Johnny Rotten’s words at the Winterland Ballroom, but I sure feel fooled.
I thought that this was some sort of print block or ornamental swag or something but really, it’s a block of tea. Which is kind of cool and something I’d never thought of before.
Purportedly it is a brick of Hunan mǐ zhūan chá (roughly translated as Brick Tea). It is 7 1/2 inches wide, 9 1/2 inches tall and about 1 inch thick.
As you can see in the pictures it was pressed in a mold that left lettering and decorative embossed marks. Given that we don’t know how this was stored and that it came covered in a fine layer of dust we make no assumption that this is safe for human consumption.
It is a nice little decorative piece that doubles as a conversation starter. Who knows, maybe it’ll be good to have on a shelf for when the end of the world comes and everyone else runs out of caffeine.
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It took quite a few drafts for Laura Ingalls Wilder to get the Little House series figured out.
This was one of the results of an early draft.
Memories of the Little House “Out Back” is a set of twelve photos of out houses in a mailing envelope (just one cent to send).
Each picture is about 2 1/2 inches by 3 3/4 inches and is annotated with a cute saying, reminiscent phrase or droll quip.
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Duh, like totally 1980′s dude.
Problems? As if!
This gnarly, killer, rad ‘fone works sweet, you know what-ever. . .
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One of our volunteers saw this and said, “F-bomb! If I put this in my living room I’d have to sit in the dining room to watch it!”
It’s that big.
This LG 50PX4DR Plasma Television was made in 2005. It is rated for 60,000 viewing hours or roughly 6 years 10 months 4 days 3 hours 29 minute and 18 seconds of use.
Roughly.
Of course this is an average so some will last significantly less time and others much longer.
In any case this particular TV still works properly to the best of our testing ability. The original specs are in the long list below, hopefully it will answer any questions you might have.
Oh yes, we have the remote control for the TV too.
General
Video
TV Tuner
Audio
Convenience Features
Connectivity
Power
Well, not THE Mona Lisa, but A Mona Lisa.
It’s an easy mistake to make.
In the early 16th century Lisa was a very popular name. All the cool parents would name their daughters that and it grew to be quite confusing. It was so bad that eventually all the Lisa’s had to have nicknames so you could tell them apart (kind of like Jennifer in the 70′s, 80′s and 90′s).
It was inevitable that there would be some overlap and repetition and hence a second Mona Lisa. This one is smaller than the original at only 9 by 12 inches.
The original is considered the most famous painting in the world (even though the average visitor to the Louvre spends only 15 seconds looking at it) and has been the subject of all sorts of notoriety and speculation. So much that it seems that every few weeks someone is coming up with another crazed explanation for what is really going on.
Sure it’s an iconic painting, but who has memorized all the details? Now you don’t have too, you can have your own copy to look at whenever the next discovery comes along, whatever it may be.
The entities that would later be reincarnated as Larry, Moe & Curly realize too late that they got on the wrong tour bus; instead of going to Alcoa plant they went to the Alpo factory.
However Trigger, Topper and Silver King learned a lot about aluminum that day, which they later put to good use as industrial capitalists making lightweight tack, harness and jewelry for Shetland Ponies.
Vintage print of three frightened or high-strung horses, in an old frame. In frame they are 23 1/2 inches by 19 1/2 inches. As you can see in the picture, the frame has some damage.
Shortly after we last saw him the Third Elf was laid off and his job was outsourced to lower paid workers. The new plant was located near a plentiful supply of cheap rhinestones. The managers at SantaCorp® used this resource to the fullest and encouraged their new lower paid and higher stress workers to cover their anxiety with ‘more bling’.
This set of three innocent holiday angels, with rhinestones, were the unexpected result. They were imported from or made in Japan by Ardco. They stand 10 1/2 inches tall and are in excellent shape. We’re selling them as a set.
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Thank goodness the yule season only happens once a year. Otherwise we’d have to look at stuff like this all year long and I know I couldn’t take it without becoming a sociopathic elf.
This sweater is medium-sized and even has shoulder pads for that extra horrific boxy look that goes so well with the holidays.
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Get a friend to give $20 or more to Community Warehouse through the Give!Guide, and we’ll enter both of you in a drawing to win a $200 gift certificate to spend with our generous partners at Rerun, the awesome neighborhood resale store on NE Fremont and 7th.
This is a great excuse to spread the word throughout your network about how Community Warehouse is the place to bring and shop for gently used stuff all while helping your neighbors in need. Make a deal with your pal to split the gift if either of you win and make a date for a fun shopping excursion together! Once your friend makes a donation (by 5 p.m. on 12/29), all you need to do to be entered is e-mail jocelyn at communitywarehouse dot org with your name and your friend’s name. We’ll hold the drawing on Thursday, December 29th!
Do you remember the early days of Ebay? That era where you could sell dime store manure at Park Avenue prices? When no one had built up immunological resistance to the vast array of stuff offered for sale?
The donor of these candlesticks does . . .
Until last Wednesday she kept them around as a visual lesson in the perils of runaway bidding and a warning of the pheromone-like allure of ‘lovely drab colored’ candlesticks.
She thinks that the lesson has been learned and the time of regret and penance is over. She’s moved on.
As such, we’d like to dangle these as bait for you at Ed’s House-Of-Ugly. Nothing brightens up the holiday season like ‘lovely drab colored’ ugly.
Now in candlestick form.
These are probably 1950′s vintage and are 6 3/4 inches tall. They were made or imported by Arcadia and feature a lute player and a harpist.
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But the most jungle-iest of them all was the jungle where the latch-key kid animals hung out after school.
The Latch-Hook Jungle.
It was two-dimensional, and the lions, tigers and bears (oh my!) were crowded together with fun-loving peaceable herbivores. The stress gave the giraffe a kink in its neck and he looked more and more like a rabbit everyday. The poor zebras were just wide-eyed with fright and their eyes had turned painfully red eyes because they knew that if they blinked just once the tiger would get them.
The tiger resented being type-cast. He actually liked tofu and on the rare occasion he did eat meat he tried to eat only local, sustainably raised small game to reduce his gastronomic foot print. The Zebras didn’t get that he was the first one that was going to extinct if he didn’t.
Besides, every one knows that Zebras are stringy and dry and taste like Democrats in a Republican controlled Congress.
37 1/2 by 48 1/2 in frame.
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It’s more than just a clock, it’s a little piece of infinity.
Just after getting his B.A. at Oxford and before going to Cambridge for his advanced degree Stephen Hawking worked one summer for an interior decorator. While doing this he decided to give design a shot on his own and found great inspiration in combining his studies with his vocation.
Thus the infinity clock was born.
It is 31 1/2 inches in diameter and seems to work properly. When the clock is moved the hour hand comes loose and dangles uselessly at the 6 o’clock position. This is easily remedied by pushing it gently back onto the shaft.
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Happy Thanksgiving! Obviously this is a joke and we don’t endorse the consumption of protected species, however tasty they may be.
“For my own part I wish the Bald Eagle had not been chosen the Representative of our Country. He is a Bird of bad moral character. He does not get his Living honestly. You may have seen him perched on some dead Tree near the River, where, too lazy to fish for himself, he watches the Labour of the Fishing Hawk; and when that diligent Bird has at length taken a Fish, and is bearing it to his Nest for the Support of his Mate and young Ones, the Bald Eagle pursues him and takes it from him.
With all this Injustice, he is never in good Case but like those among Men who live by Sharping & Robbing he is generally poor and often very lousy. Besides he is a rank Coward: The little King Bird not bigger than a Sparrow attacks him boldly and drives him out of the District. He is therefore by no means a proper Emblem for the brave and honest Cincinnati of America who have driven all the King birds from our Country…
I am on this account not displeased that the Figure is not known as a Bald Eagle, but looks more like a Turkey. For in Truth the Turkey is in Comparison a much more respectable Bird, and withal a true original Native of America… He is besides, though a little vain & silly, a Bird of Courage, and would not hesitate to attack a Grenadier of the British Guards who should presume to invade his Farm Yard with a red Coat on.”
The merits of the Bald Eagle vs. the Turkey as national symbols have been debated many many times over the years. I’m not going to cover that ground again.
However, a study of how big dumb birds and congress compare to each other could be instructive.
For example consider the difference between a member of congress and a turkey? A turkey’s favorite past time is to come up with innovative ways to kill themselves, congress comes up with innovative ways to do it to everyone else.
The similarity between congress and the eagle is rather closer, especially if you’re a hard working Fishing Hawk (a.k.a. citizen). Replace Eagle with Congressperson in Franklin’s quote above and you’ll see what I mean.
But enough of that, since this is Thanksgiving we should take the day to appreciate what we have. One of the highest standards of living worldwide, massive amounts of cheap consumer goods, easy and near monopolistic access to the world’s resources and Aunt Edna’s traditional recipe for Roast Bald Eagle.
Directions
*Eagles are large birds but there can be substantial variation in size. Smaller birds are found in the southern states and larger birds in the north, you’ll need to adjust the recipe depending on your location. The average weight of the live bird is 9 to 13 pounds (females tend to be bigger). The dressed weight of wild game is typically 25% less than the weight of the live animal. The wings are long (up to 7 1/2 ft) but have little meat so they can be removed and discarded. Since you’ll be discarding the wings the weight of the eagle before cooking will be as much as 33% greater than when you put it in the pan. Plan accordingly.
If you can’t obtain a fresh eagle we recommend Fish of the Sky brand canned eagle, it’s almost as good as the real thing.
This again? The mug a day feature?
That only means one thing folks: I away from the computer for a few days and need to knock out some posts to keep things lively while I’m gone.
From a strict cost/benefit perspective it’s probably not worth the time it takes to write these up, but such analyses don’t take into account the fun one can have in the process. This is sort of silly as the average American spends almost $2700 each year in the pursuit of happiness, so fun definitely has value.
For example:
Welcome to Douglas, Wyoming; the home of the Jackalope. With a population of just about 5,300 this could qualify as a contemporary souvenir from a small town. However the picture of the Jackalope on the the cup is much more interesting than simple population statistics.
Is the Jackalope feeling amorous? Is it drunk? It is both drunk AND looking to score? Is that a full moon in the background and it is actually a Were-Jackalope?
Let me know!
This is one of the oddest three-ring binders I’ve seen since Igor dropped his Trapper Keeper leaving Dr. Frankenstein’s lecture class back in the dreary summer of ’16.
The binder contains 8 inch by 10 inch black and white photographs. Each photo shows a graduating ‘class’ of what I presume are sales persons for Swift’s meat products.
The photo’s are dated from April 1946 to April 1950 and there are 46 altogether (spanning 50 classes but 1-4 are missing). The common theme throughout all of them are the advertisements in the background for Swift meat products. I especially like the Its the meat that makes the meal slogan.
Not surprisingly considering the time these were taken almost all the people photographed are male, except for three women in class # 15. Interestingly class 15 was a class for department heads (according to the pen notation) and the three women are named on the back of the picture.
Unfortunately the photos don’t consistently record who is pictured in them. There is also a good array of awkwardness on display and I’m especially fond of the fellow in class #50 who blinked just as the photo was taken. The album is well worth flipping through, if for nothing else than to see the variety of ties and how many of the gent pictured look like petty gangsters. Besides, someone hung onto it for the last 60+ years . . .
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I recently saw a DeLorean up on blocks in my neighborhood but the big Rottweiler chained to the bumper kept me from bringing it into the store.
Instead we have four Fujimori Alpha 3 footed coffee cups which afford a different sort of opportunity to look back on the long lost days when the 1980′s were the future.
The cups are about 4 1/4 inches tall and all of them have some degree of glaze crazing. We recommend pairing them with Nagels, denim and fluorescent jackets, stretch-jeans, big hair and bloated missile defense systems.
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Yes, a meat press.
When I first saw this I thought “That’s one bad-ass citrus reamer!” Then I read the fine print.
This is an antique Columbia Meat Juice Press made by Landers Frary & Clark of New Britain, Connecticut. The idea was that one would put a piece of meat in the press and squeeze the heck out of it, thereby extracting the juice for cooking, or for immediate consumption (the belief being that raw meat juice makes you stronger or something*).
Yummy!
Unfortunately this press was not patented so I can’t directly date it. A very similar press was patented in 1884 and I’ve seen others dated to the 1890′s. This piece is probably a contemporary, so I think it was made somewhere around 1900 plus or minus a decade or so.
Depending if the screw thread is fully extracted or wound down it is 6 1/2 inches to 11 inches tall. There are four pieces (screw, base, upper and lower reamer sections) and all the pieces are in good condition.
One could use it for extracting juices from particularly recalcitrant fruit.
I like the idea of testing it on political figures on TV. It would add a level of gravity to a show called “Meat The Press.”
*Originally promulgated by That which does not kill you et al.
